Sex and Spirituality

October 24, 2018 · by · in All Posts, Food for Thought, Suggested Reading

Every once in a while, a student will gingerly ask me about sex. Sometimes, this is question is if pre-marital sex is OK. For this, I encourage you to check Sadguru’s reply on the topic, (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSdvGInI9DE) which I found quite accurate from a normal person’s perspective. I go on now, assuming you’ve already seen that video. I answer the questions here not from the perspective of whether this is right or wrong, but for a spiritual seeker who wants to understand the relationship between sex and spiritual growth, and whether it can be a hindrance in one’s journey. So here are a few common questions I have received recently.

As a spiritual seeker, is premarital sex OK? 

I’ve heard people talk of sex as a biological desire which needs fulfilling, but in my opinion, a desire for sex is not the same as hunger for food. It links the two people energetically, and that energetic link is stronger based on how low the level of consciousness is, during the act. (Science supports this from a physical perspective. It has been shown that when a couple has sex, they leave their DNA in each other which impact their behavior for decades). The lower the consciousness, the stronger the energy bond. This means, you will pick up entities from the other person during this time, you will pick up their karma, their subconscious mental patterns, etc. It’s a mess, energetically. I believe that when it is done very meditatively, then this bond is very weak, but it is very hard to find someone who can remain in meditation for something this carnal.

Can we then consider premarital sex as not wrong if done with a higher level of consciousness?

Welllll….. OK, here’s my perspective. I don’t see marriage as a physical, long religious ceremony. Marriage is always in the heart, the ceremony is just the final touch. People may ‘officially’ marry long after they are already married in their hearts. According to me, one cannot be ‘spiritually’ involved with another person unless they are already married in their hearts. Meditation is impossible without love, when it involves two people. And that love has to be powerful and strong. So in a way those two have to already be married, in their hearts. And also, this means that different partners or one night stands is something that is way out of alignment here.

Is it possible to find such a soulmate in today’s modern era?

It has nothing to do with modern. There have always been people at low levels of spiritual progress.

It does have to do with your own level of consciousness and also your fate – if you are destined – i.e. if it is a part of this life-plan – to experience this with someone, then yes you will meet someone with a similar level of consciousness. But otherwise it can be quite unsettling and disturbing with ‘normal’ people because their needs and desires are very different.

I’ve found a lot of spiritual people married to ‘normal’ people think of themselves as frigid, because they are strongly turned off when they are being used by their partner for sex, so they can almost never connect with their partner properly or even feel satiated.

Do spiritual people truly have no desire for sex? 

From my conversations with several students, I have found that if you have a strong spiritual practice, there is no desire for sex. Eventually even the desire for food dissipates and the quantity and frequency of eating drop drastically. I have found that the desires increase only when you are carrying spirit attachments. So cleansing of your energies should reduce the desire – if you have a spiritual practice to support this. This applies not only to women, but also to men equally.

Does having sex slow down our spiritual growth? 

I’d like to quote, with my own addendum, something that Barry Long said years ago: you can ‘have a f*ck’, you can have sex, you can make love, or you can make God. Sex without emotion falls into the first category. What most couples do, falls into the second category. What people deeply in love do, often falls into the third category. And if you’re lucky enough to have a strong spiritual practice and have a partner with a similarly strong practice, you can experience the last one. The first two categories certainly pull you down on an energetic and spiritual level. The latter two can be deeply nourishing and may not even involve any intercourse at all, because this is a stage where two people are involved in an expression of their love for each other – they are not using the other person to satiate a need for sex.

What can I do if I have a strong sex-drive, how can I reduce it?

  • Cleanse yourself: Use rock salt, dried red chilies, or sage to cleanse yourself of the negative energies. If you are familiar with it, do agnihotra daily for a few days and consume a pinch of the ash after it cools down.
  • Develop a strong spiritual practice: If you have learned Reiki, practice it daily for a minimum of half an hour, preferably at night, and covering all chakras in the front as well as back.
  • Chant: Chanting the Gayatri mantra 21 or 108 times can be very powerful in raising your energy and helping you drop these desires.

When you get to the point where you can make love meditatively, actually there is no sexual desire left. It is never about sex after that, it is just just love becoming physical. They’re very different things. So generally if there is a ‘drive’ then that is usually a sign that you are not ‘there’ yet.